The following is a piece of flash fiction that builds off the events in my short story “Amorous Birds of Prey.” It should go without saying that spoilers are rife. That’s without mentioning that you might not even know what the hell is going on otherwise. If you’d like to read the piece before getting a behind-the-scenes look, you can find it on my Amazon Author Page.
Think of this as a deleted scene in the DVD extras.
Happy V-D Pops!
Hey, Sweetie. What have I told you about that?
Couldn’t resist XD
Hot date tonight
Yeah, she’s blonde. Gorgeous.
Walks on 4 legs? sniff butts?
That’s the one.
Low maintenance but tends to piss on the floor.
Those kisses tho
How about you? Boys beating down the door?
Limed up round the block
So your mom bought a shotgun?
Little harder to get 1 up here
It ain’t Alabammy!!!!
What’d I tell you about exclamation points?
Ugh my pops the writer
We’re going to have to have a serious talk about periods too.
Can’t believe youre texting does it hurt?
I’d prefer you call like a civilized human being.
Call? Wtf act normal would you
So for real you got no one special tonight?
Students and writing. No time for anything else.
No hanky panky with dr vogelsang?
Do as I say …
Goblin, Robin is married.
To a fossil
See what I did there
Cruel. I thought you liked him.
Well yeah but if she’s gonna be my stepmom …
Knock it off.
Come on I saw the way u 2 were makin googly eyes at T’giving
And that “stroll” around the grounds? Romantic
You can use quotation marks but can’t be troubled with a period?
Good call, Guildenstern.
You larned me real good
That literally hurt to read.
Sorry. That Alabammy rubbin off from my visit
I started chawing terbaccy too
Maybe we should resume this when you decide to stop
shitting on the English language.
For real yo no heat w/dr v?
Come on pops I won’t tell mom
I stand by my previous statement.
I haven’t said anything about her new beau
Your mom has a new boyfr
Pops youre slower than usual
Those lil ellipsis means youre typing
Oh, she’s dating again? Good for
I didn’t realize that
I see you 8I
Good for her. Tell her I said hi.
Yeah thatll happen
Look, pops, this isn’t easy for me. Divided loyalties and all.
Still, I wanna see both of you happy, and if you aren’t getting back together, then you seriously need to be thinking about your alternatives.
Shit sucks sometimes, but you gotta make the best of it.
Pops, I see you.
At least I know you still have a command of the language.
It’d kill me to know my progeny didn’t understand basic rules of punctuation.
Ok so thats how its gonna be
You mean “it’s.”
Seriously, though, you should be out and about tonight.
My daughter is a beautiful young woman.
She deserves to have some handsome suitor
bringing her roses and buying her a fancy dinner
(where no animals were harmed, of course),
not holed up in her bedroom poring over trig homework.
She needs to be having fun with a gentleman.
Not trig its pre-cal
Also, note I said GENTLEMAN.
And not too much fun.
Get my drift?
Damn pops I get it
What are these weird colons and letters you’re using?
You really broke down and got a cell phone just
because of me?
I didn’t want to, but your generation is weird.
If you insist on only texting, I at least want to stay in touch with my daughter.
Thats so sweet pops thank u
I love u
Love you too, Goblin.
Well that pre-cal isn’t gonna do itself
Better get busy
Have a good night
Back at ya
What ya doing?
Sorry for the delay. Texting Cordelia.
How are you?
Oh how’s she?
I’m good. G is finally sacked out.
She’s a teenager. What is it with kids and their text speak?
Like a menopausal woman.
Missing all her periods.
I’m totally digging your Valentine’s gift.
Your texts of Chanticleer.
Why the Chaucer reference?
Oh, I get it. Because he’s a “cock.” Clever.
Knew you’d make the connection.
Your boudoir pictures are also stunning.
Gets Chanticleer cock-a-doodle-doing.
Ha! Glad you enjoyed.
G’s going golfing tomorrow, so if you’ll be home,
might be able to show you the negligee in real life.
Hard to wait until then.
Good thing you finally broke down and got a cell.
Aren’t you happy?
What the ever-loving fuck does a semicolon and close parenthesis mean?
And what is “LOL?”
I’m so confused.